My life has been such a blessing. One of the major reasons is because my life is rooted in Him. I don’t know what my life would be like without Christ today, all I can say is that it probably would be drastically different. No church involvement, possibly not married, not serving the body, not having a greater joy in my heart. It is quite dismal looking, in fact. But would I know it? Probably not, only my God can open my eyes and give me the understanding that I needed to see Him and there’s no turning back after that point. How can I be so foolish/blind to NOT give praise to that every day? It seems like after 5 years of being a believer, I’m slowly starting to be in a comfort zone. The feeling kind of sucks actually. I wish it would just go away, but I think there’s a reason why I’m in it.

In my reading today, Jesus promises the Holy Spirit, He says He will not leave us as orphans and will come back and that the HS is a constant reminder of Him and how He lives in us. Well, sometimes it does feel like I’m alone, or I’m losing hope. But I guess that’s part of the race and part of the reason why it’s so hard to be a believer. It definitely takes perseverance and a hanging on that seems almost unreal. But I guess this kind of goes hand in hand with having a thankful heart. If I did that more, I believe it would have a drastic change in my outlook on life and my thoughts. How much more different would it be if we DID give thanks every minute of every day? It might seem tiring at first, almost a fruitless effort. But I believe a person filled with thanks will be drastically different than a person not filled with thanks. But at least, that thanks must come from somewhere, it must be real, genuine, has a source, has a person to thank. And that source is Jesus, the neverending source of thanks. May I continue to remember this as I go throughout my day, having a heart of thanks. Maybe I’ll forget as easily as the holiday passes us by, but hopefully the HS will guide my steps and thoughts into thinking something more valuable than my regular “thoughts of the day.”

1. The statement “You’ll find out about all his annoying habits once you start living with him!” is somewhat of a myth. I would say I’m not completely taken aback by my husband’s annoying living habits. Maybe this is one reason why people try to shack up before marriage because they want to get “used” to all their dirty habits before they get married, but on the contrary, I might’ve discovered maybe a thing or two about him, but nothing that really annoyed me and nothing that surprised me beyond belief. I think if you know the person you’re getting married to very well (let’s say 4 years of dating?), there’s nothing that really surprises you about them anymore, only because you know them so well.

2. The transition from dating to marriage was very smooth for us. I do believe some people have a hard time with life transitions: going to high school, going to college, getting a first job, getting married…the list goes on. However, maybe it’s just because we are very laid back and flexible people, but I found the transition to be very smooth for us (Maybe ET has a thing or two to say about this). Maybe sometimes I mention this and people look at me like I’m crazy. How can you NOT experience some kind of turbulent drama when you get married? Of course, this is not to say, obviously we had some things to adjust to: sleeping patterns, nightly routines, but even something like sharing chores was not a big deal for us. Maybe it might be something that happens down the road, but currently, there seems to be no begrudging attitude about who gets to do chores and when and what. Think it has to do with the general attitude of honor your partner above yourself. The tendency/temptation of seeking your own way, especially in a marriage, is very high. And this is not to say that being married makes it easier. But there is a lot of grace and blessings for those who go by that statement.

3. Queen size beds are just way too small. At least, if you married to someone who likes to roll around like mad at night, which is my husband. This is by far one of the biggest “issues” we ever had when we first got married. Sharing the bed was such a big deal, and no matter how much I tried to stick to my corner, some how my husband would end up sprawled on the floor with the comforter in the morning. Surprisingly, this was resolved by us getting 2 comforters. But it was still something I never thought would be an issue, only because we were both used to sleeping on twin beds, so naturally a queen seemed to be big enough for us both. But apparently, a king size is two twin beds put together.

4. Having one partner who knows how to cook comes in handy. I must say my lack of cooking skills is extremely complemented by my husband’s expertise cooking skills. And yes, there were many “amusing” cooking adventures we’ve had together, mostly me. But man, I can’t imagine if there were 2 of us who couldn’t cook at all. That would be an absolute disaster relying on frozen meals and eating out more often than not. Or maybe it’s not an entire disaster, but I really praise God for a husband who can just tell me whether the chicken is fully cooked or if I have the heat on too high for the stove. I’m learning a lot, and think have become a better cook because of him.

5. Romance doesn’t have to die after “I do.” It just takes a different form. Maybe it’s a nice relaxing massage after a hard day’s work, maybe it’s volunteering to do some extra chores while the other person can relax. While I was very happy and used to doing “extravagant” things for each other come Valentine’s Day or birthdays, I’m actually a lot happier now trying to stick to some financial goals (being romantic is costly!) and doing more simple things for each other. I title this: “romance in the simple things.” It could be as simple as “I appreciate you.” Because once you start living together, you forget to say the small, meaningful statements because you assume the other person “just knows.” Maybe you can call it “old married people romance,” but I consider a nice cuddling session in the morning rare and very romantic, and free! (rare because we are usually rushing out the door trying to get ready for work/church/praise practice)

6. Making time for each other goes a long way. It’s easy, even when you live together, to not have time for one another because you are so busy doing other things. Suddenly, you only have maybe 1 or 2 nights “free” while trying to juggle hosting Bible studies, serving on Fridays, having people over for dinner, and other random weekend shenanigans. Usually, the week looks like this: 2 nights we have people over, Wednesdays are Bible study nights, Fridays are a mad rush to get to Beall for FNL/AWANA. Then weekends? Forget it, they are completely booked with praise practices, hanging out, grocery shopping, laundry, church, meetings, and then suddenly the weekend has spit you out and you’re back at Monday again. And then we look at each other and wonder where the weeks are going. It’s after this we decided to have one night set apart to do absolutely nothing and sometimes full weeks because we are just madly rushing from place to place. These are dubbed “chill days” or “chill weeks.” I think we’ve found more of a balance, but some weeks are still busier than others.

7. Traveling tends to cost a lot of money. In fact, life in general tends to cost a lot of money. After some budgeting mishaps and trials and errors, we’ve discovered that our dreams to travel the world together has a price tag. In fact, everything has a price tag: medical costs, eating out with friends, and household decor! One thing I wish I could’ve done a lot more of ever since I started working is to save more. Once you start adding up the costs of a wedding, honeymoon and then new living costs (utilities, furniture, house decorating, etc.), it all starts to be somewhat of a headache. That’s why ET is in charge of finances. And then, one of the biggest lessons I learned is how to save money. It only happened after we got a joint account, now everything I buy, ET sees. And I still stand by our decision to have a joint account only because I believe once two become one, everything should become one and nothing should be hidden anymore. But man, now I had to watch everything I was buying: all the small things. A new shirt here, a meal out there, a smoothie, it all started to add up. And I finally knew my prolific habit of spending on little things was making a dent in our plan of saving money. And ET also spent most of our first year of marriage selling all his toys on Ebay (mind you, I didn’t MAKE him sell any of it, he decided that on his own). Only because now his light sabers and paintball gear are unimportant and saving more money is now more useful. And plus, where exactly are we going to place his Transformer toys in our modern 1 bedroom apartment? Nowhere.

8. Having a joint calendar helps. Google works very well for us. Sometimes, we forget to communicate with each other about who’s coming over when and when we are having designated “girl” nights or “guy” nights. Communication is key! This is another thing we pretty much have down from our dating relationship, so of course, in marriage, it’s best to have a good working communications relationship where you feel comfortable telling your partner anything and everything that annoys you (even small things) so that it doesn’t blow up in their face later. And it’s always good to have “separate” nights as well, where you get to hang out with the girls/guys only because you can’t be with your spouse 24/7 and some time with your own gender helps. And I’ve noticed that time apart (free time) always makes the heart grow fonder (Yes, I do revel in the moment where he says to me: “Baby, I’ve missed you” even if we only had 1 night apart! Call me a sappy romantic, because that’s what I am!).

I must admit that last week was such a massive fail in terms of doing devotions because I was so tired. I noticed that whenever something changes in my schedule, like for example working overtime, it completely throws off my devotions schedule. And I’m not sure how to overcome that yet, because when I’m extremely tired I find it hard to wake up and have that time for God. But maybe it’s not really about that, rather it’s a desire to meet with Him and to long to be with Him despite my busy day. I get used to the idea of going home and just relaxing, but often I don’t seek God after a long day’s work because I’m tired. Something needs to change here: attitude, thoughts, routines, patterns. After all, this life is not a routine with God, it’s a relationship with Him.

Hence, leading me to the verse: Romans 5:8-But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

It’s actually one of the verses we are concentrating on for the first session of the retreat. God loved us first, then we loved Him after He has predestined us. I guess for me, I see this tangibly in my husband who has loved me despite my failures in life. However, this is only a glimpse of how much God loves me, because He loved me before I knew Him. That’s kind of intense: shows the dedication and hope and desire that is greater than man.

Hopefully I can meditate and truly understand what this verse means to me. This is the first step to my retreat preparation….

1. This parable really illustrates the fact that it’s important to see and understand what discipleship really means. In essence, one must take into account all the costs that are involved in following Christ, because since Christ seems to be a very transparent person, we know there are costs involved. And even in the minds of unbelievers, some of the costs are holding them back hence realizing that there is indeed a cost. You must cling to Jesus so much that it seems like “hating” your dear ones. I guess this idea of giving everything up is still a concept we, as American Christians, are trying to learn. In reality, we have pretty much eveything we need and hence nothing needed to be given up when we became Christian. Of course, there is a slight “cost” of being persecuted by words and/or people who just think we’re weird “religious” people. This is hardly a cost in my eyes simply because there could be a lot worse things out there. I guess to me, cost means something substantial is being given up, and I’m not sure many of us, including myself, really understands what it means. And I don’t think we’ll ever really understand what it means until we are faced with something we must really give up to follow Christ, a big thing. But maybe a “big” thing could still be something relatively small and that is enough to give up and show dedication to Christ. But I still believe if we were truly saved, there would be something bigger to teach us a lesson about this. Not sure what that would be…

Luke 14: 15-24: The Slighted Invitation

1. I am one of those people who hates it when people are wishy washy about their decisions to come to an event, and those who tend to make up lame excuses to come to something rather important. I think God is kind of the same way in this parable. He basically invites all His close friends (the leaders of Israel) to come join Him in this great feast, however they make up excuses (lame ones) that they are busy and can’t go. Hence the reason why God extends His invitation to others, like us gentiles. I guess for one thing, it’s a good thing that God decided to extend the invitation to all now. Everyone has a chance at salvation and can therefore join in the feast, until that room is filled. However, it’s interesting to note that God doesn’t really like lame excuses, and when it comes to salvation, I think every excuse is rather lame in comparison. Salvation is the end all be all to humankind and its problem, so turning it down would be rather sad and hence no partaking in the great banquet in Heaven. In a way, many nonbelievers have different reasons for not believing or wanting to believe in salvation/God/Jesus/etc., it’s good to always know where to point them in the Bible to say that maybe their decisions are actually a bit foolish and you should take another look. But then again, it really depends on what God decides to reveal to these people because they can’t really see what their decisions lead to unless He chooses to unveil it to them, like what He did for me.

Also, my husband and I talked a lot about the workings of church and how things are going. Sometimes it seems a bit dismal. There are so many problems we can observe and many things gone wrong. Thankfully, ET is a very wise and humble man when it comes to things like this. I think even when I’ve given up, he tells me there is hope and good in something better, even when I don’t see it. It’s easy for me to point to the bad and things that need to be improved, especially when it’s around that time of month, but I think ET knows the concept of seeing the good through the midst of the bad. And I am glad for that reminder.

Luke 14: Jesus at the Pharisee’s House

1. One of the first thing Jesus does is rebuke the Pharisees (haha no surprise) with the legal issues they have with healing on the Sabbath. Apparently, back in those times, it was a bad thing to heal/help on the Sabbath. But Jesus directly counters that mindset and heals someone with dropsy and sends them on their way. When He questions the Pharisees, they remain silent. In today’s times, we don’t have these rules, but we definitely have legalism going on. For me personally, I tend to judge people who don’t come out to church a lot or at least on time in a somewhat less positive view, unconsciously. But in the end, it’s not about legalism, it’s about extending grace and humbling oneself. I think that’s what the Pharisees were missing because in the next parable about the banquet, Jesus states that it’s a good thing to humble oneself: “for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.”

2. The other part that struck me about the parable was the fact that Jesus emphasizes a point that we should invite those who cannot repay us to our houses and be hospitable to them. This idea is something we don’t always practice, since we tend to invite church people over all the time and then hence in a way, nobody really out of the ordinary. But I think, being hospitable has to also do with inviting those who cannot pay us back, for “you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous.” Do I know anyone really to invite that’ “poor, crippled, lame and/or blind”? No. I always think that I should probably get involved in some type of community service to expose myself to different people. But haven’t had a chance to yet. Maybe it’s time to take something up…..but I’m not sure what.

This Easter, I felt like everything has gone by a little too quickly. As in, I didn’t really have time to reflect on what Jesus did on the cross and was watching as the services went on before my eyes. It’s kind of a weird feeling, as if I should’ve/could’ve put more thought into it, but just didn’t get a chance to yet. I think, maybe it feels this way because we, as Christians, live everyday remembering what He did, and this may seem like any other day because it’s what we do on a daily basis. I don’t “feel” any more saddened or any more grateful because I’m always grateful. I guess that’s what I really feel. Everyone else around me, including nonbelievers, are saying Happy Easter, but really I wonder if people understand what it really means. I know that God has revealed to me His mystery of salvation. And that’s a true blessing.

Luke 13:31-35: Sorrow for Jerusalem

1. In this passage, we can really see the hatred of the Pharisees for Jesus. They start telling Him lies to try to get Him to leave. However, Jesus replies in a very blunt, and then sorrowful way towards Jerusalem as a whole, which I guess includes the Pharisees. If I were reading the passage and not understanding the context and/or character of Jesus, He almost sounds a little sarcastic, as if, they don’t know what doom is coming their way and not only until they bow before Him in the end times will they really know. But ultimately, I think He is speaking out of compassion and woe. He really feels for His people and sees them still as what they once were: God’s Holy People. But because they have turned aside, a bunch of gentiles were instead saved and brought into the salvation plan, people like me. So I guess with God, turning bad things into good things is essential. And even in the epistles, in Romans, it talks about how God will one day bring all the Israelites back to Him. God loves His people and will never abandon them.

Luke 13: 22-30: The Narrow Door

1. This passage is very similar to the one in Matthew where it says wide is the path to destruction, and few will enter the gate. Supposedly, this door is very narrow and not many people will enter. But the important thing to always take away from something like this is the fact that we must strive each day to make sure we are living in accordance to the Word and also working out our salvation. It’s a challenge to all believers and a warning to all nonbelievers. I think maybe many of us feel assured in salvation because of all that we have done and what “religious” things we do. But we see that the Pharisees also felt the same way. We must not be fooled by this and hopefully will cling onto the fact that only Jesus saves and work from there. Even those who said to Him that they ate with Him and “you taught in our streets” were shut out. Showing how maybe there were people present in His teachings (at church) but may not be saved. What a very harsh and to-the-point warning for those who are just sitting in church. It’s so true that many probably believe that they go to church and that they’re saved, but how sad to see that many of them are believing a lie. I hope more pastors preach on this and warn people of what they are doing with their lives. This notion was very life changing to me: I began to see Christian life as an uphill slope which I must climb. It’s not something that you take very lightly all the time.

Luke 13: 10-17: A Crippled Woman Healed on the Sabbath

1. Again Jesus looks on people who are different with compassion. It is very hard in this world to really pay attention to these people and give them love/compassion because we are so often trained by the world to look away and pretend they are ok. However, in the Bible, and Jesus, sets the example of paying attention to them and addressing them directly. He healed her from her “infirmity” yet physically she was restored as well. Even though we hate to admit it, our response is often like the Pharisees, basically, don’t pay heed to her. Or you can only heal on this day. Making up excuses to ignore the ones who need us. I think we often do that in our own hearts. I admit to it. Sometimes I just choose not to acknowledge the people that I see on the streets. Part of it is fear and part is that I want to go about my own life not worrying about these people. But maybe God will give me the courage to confront them someday and treat them like regular human beings instead of those who are different.

Luke 13: 1-8: Repent or Perish

1. Especially considering the world around us and all the bad things happening to people, one could always point to this verse. It is a little harsh in that Jesus kind of turns away from the focus of what happens to those people but instead uses it for a good cause which is to ask people who are with Him to repent. Often times, we do get caught up in tragedies and wonder why and then try to logically think up explanations for why bad things happen to good people, but Jesus says this time could be spent repenting and believing in the Gospel, which would ultimately save your own soul. I still have yet to explore this idea more….but will think about it today.