Detox Trial #1

Detoxing from:

1. Sweets

2. Fried food

3. Sodas, only water.

4. Sleeping in too much

5. Procrastinating work

Working on:

1. Exercising regularly

2. Waking up early to do devos and prayer

Praying for Japan?

When tragedies such as what happened in Japan happened, it’s often very commonand almost “tradition” to say that we are praying for Japan. As a Christian who believes in prayer to God alone through Jesus Christ, this really begs the question and makes me think whether people really understand the true meaning of prayer…

Who exactly are you praying to?

How do you know that person or being is listening to you?

How do you know they’re effective at all or just completely useless thoughts of compassion?

Don’t get me wrong, I do believe that people earnestly have compassion on those who are suffering from a natural disaster. What I find most amusing is that on any given day, we are living our mundane lives and things are happening around us. We pretend that there is no higher being and instead we are in control of our own lives. But suddenly, when chaos ensues and things seem out of control, say we are clinging to dear life, we find ourselves praying. Not that we’ve ever prayed before (we as a collective society we, not we, as in counting myself). Not that we’ve ever really even thought of a higher being before. No. We don’t even think a God exists. But undoubtedly, if you knew you might be breathing your last moments of life, often times you might be praying. To who? Who cares? I guess, in this state, we really see the desperateness of clinging onto life. When you are facing death straight in the eye, it’s very easy to believe that there is a higher power who might save you from an untimely death. Funny how that works.

In the midst of pain, suffering and loss in Japan, God shines brighter to me. In the midst of chaos and confusion, I know you’re sovereign still (None But Jesus-Hillsong). There is something about the way stars shine at night, but in the daylight they are hardly noticeable. It’s true what they say about seeing God most in your times of darkness and despair. God shows Himself to be relevant and powerful in times like these. What I hope people eventually understand from these tragedies is that there is a God that is sovereign, the God of the Bible. Ready to extend compassion and mercy to those who are grieving over a tragedy. Yes, you could be very well angry at God for letting such a tragedy occur. But I know that a lot worse things can happen if you wished for true justice to occur (the wrath of God would be upon us, but praise Him for His Son Jesus). Instead, in the midst of these tragedies, you see the hand of God in the face of a grateful survivor, in the compassion of the workers who are risking their lives pulling victims from the rubble, and on the faces of loved ones reuniting realizing they can hold onto each other for one more day. Human nature steadily points to the unfairness of God, but instead, there is so much more opportunity to see His grace and mercies despite the loss.

Leaning

In Chinese, there’s a character for leaning (kao jin). In the traditional version of this character, the bottom part is holding the top part up. The word also means to trust, to depend on and to be near (kao jin). This is a reminder of what I really need to do today. Several things that were out of my control happened, and the only thing I can really do is lean on God as if He were my only foundation.

1. There was a devastating earthquake in Japan today, massive damage and who knows how many lives taken, lives who did not know Jesus and would be eternally lost forever. There is much to say about this event and how after each devastating natural disaster, there is a sense of hopelessness. Yet, I can’t help but think of those passages in the Bible where it talks about the end times: famines, drought, a shift of morals, earthquakes, basically all kinds of natural disasters break lose. It really tugs at my heart knowing that these things are happening around the world. But what else can we do but point to Jesus?

2. Sometimes, the people around me, specifically my brothers and sisters in Christ, may not get along at times. And then there’s another reason to see why we need to hold on. Pastor Andrew always talks about a spiritual battle and warfare going on. And we forget we’re in the middle of it. This affects everything, different ministries, loving others especially newcomers, relations within the church, God, I can keep on going. But we really need You in this area. No joke. It’s sometimes discouraging to see this happen to those who you think will come through but then don’t. It’s not their fault, I’m sure, because you know deep inside, they are really sold for Christ. But worldly things get in the way, and even the strongest ones can get swept away, even me sometimes.

This reminds me of a Gospel Choir song we used to sing called “Leaning on the Everlasting Arms.”

1. What a fellowship, what a joy divine,
   Leaning on the everlasting arms;
   What a blessedness, what a peace is mine,
   Leaning on the everlasting arms.
   • Refrain:
     Leaning, leaning, safe and secure from all alarms;
     Leaning, leaning, leaning on the everlasting arms.
2. Oh, how sweet to walk in this pilgrim way,
   Leaning on the everlasting arms;
   Oh, how bright the path grows from day to day,
   Leaning on the everlasting arms.
3. What have I to dread, what have I to fear,
   Leaning on the everlasting arms?
   I have blessed peace with my Lord so near,
   Leaning on the everlasting arms.

Breathe. I’m leaning on Everlasting Arms…

Twitterpated!

When I first found out about Twitter, it was seemingly a very egotistical and silly idea. Why would I want to read a bunch of status updates about what people do all day?

But then, I slowly got involved in it after there was an opportunity at work. Basically, I would try to step my toe into this huge Twitter ocean and try to make ripples. It has been quite a fun experiment and I must say that now I am on Tweetdeck all day and I really love the new platform to connect with people. Suddenly, I can say hello to people I would’ve never had a chance to connect with before, be it reporters, representatives on the Hill, business partners, etc. I only realize that I am now caught up in the whirlwind of Twitter because I’m promoting Twitter to my employees and also to other people I meet in the professional world. I even had a chance to add Twitter to my business cards with a mailing label (creative? ).

I guess I can say: it’s official, I’m Twitter-pated! (from Bambi, remember?)

Job Fair, Schmob Fair

So I went to a job fair thinking it would be a good idea for me to just get myself out there again and try again to impress potential employers. Boy, did I come away from it thinking something completely different. 

First off, I didn’t do any research and completely went into it blind. Then, I wasn’t overly optistmic about anyone available to give me a job. I just wanted to see what was out there. I knew that I could shake a couple of hands and perhaps ask about possible opportunities. But then, the question was posed:

What do you want to do?/What are you interested in?

I blanked. Stared straight through their heads and into another planet. 

What DID I want to do with my life? What kind of job would I feel satisfied in? 

Suddenly, I felt overly picky. Too picky to be true. I didn’t want a regular 9-5 in a place where I would be doing something monotonous, or working for a company I don’t believe in. I had a desire to work with troubled youth or young kids. I had a desire to make a difference, perhaps work for a Christian aid organization, or a missions organization or something along the lines where I can do ministry work and get paid to do it (HA!). 

Then I thought I could work off any other interests I may have. But for some reason, I felt too picky with myself. What kind of person am I to decide what kind of job I really wanted when the economy sucks right now? Why was I being so picky? 

Then it hit me that God was trying to tell me something: Relax, I got you covered!

I know that I can rest assured that my next job is provided for. Yet in the heat of the moment, I felt worthless, useless and with a ton of internships under my belt, I felt like I’ve gotten nowhere. Just about 6 months ago, I knew exactly what kind of company I wanted to work for and what I’d be doing. I even knew the lingo to know exactly what to say in the interview to get that kind of job. I’ve been preparing for that for months. But now, it seems that God has opened my eyes to another world of possibilities and yet again, I am at square 1. 

I thought I knew, but God really did. I have no idea what I want. I really want what HE wants. But it’s kind of hard to describe that to an employer, or even another person. What does HE want? I don’t know. But I guess all I can do is follow some leads and try my best to scrounge around for a decent job and see. 

I would want a job where the people are friendly and that I can have a life with them outside of work. 

I would want a job that pays relatively decent enough for me to save up enough for life’s expenses. (and man, is life expensive!)

I would want a job that is relatively not hard to get to, perhaps off the metro, or driving distance.

I would want a job that does not interfere too much with ministry work, that means not too much travel and not too much overtime, absolutely no weekend work!

I would want a job that lets me really explore the skills that I have and learn new ones. I feel like God’s been equipping me for something bigger than myself, something that I can’t even imagine. I want to be ready for it. 

I would want a job that really promotes a cause or case or people that I am passionate about. 

Ok, is that too tall of an order to fill? God, do I have the right idea? Give me a sign!

A Major Case of Senioritis

Oy…..

Ever get the feeling at the end of senior year that all this works really doesn’t matter anymore and you’d rather be out there doin’ work and stuff? Perhaps in a year or so when I’m workin’, I’ll feel the exact oppostite. But school is sometimes a drag and I’m just ready to graduate and leave and be done with paying thousands of doallrs for this torture. Please pay me instead to be tortured at a 9-5 job! And then at least I can pay for stuff…haha!

May 9, 2009…here we come!

Solitary observation

So I just realized that I really like walking around and exploring neighborhoods by myself. Today I took a nice 2 hour walk in Georgetown and it’s funny how many things I can notice when I’m really trying to observe people and the environment. For one thing, it was relatively cold outside but after an hour or so, I didn’t feel cold anymore. I walk by groups of people or individuals and wonder about where they come from, where they’re going and what they’re thinking at that very moment. 

Even though I’ve been to Georgetown many times, I never walked around the neighborhood just to walk around. The residential areas are rather nice and I can imagine how expensive the rent/mortgage must be. There is a very quaint design to the houses, yet they all look rather modern. A lot of the curtains were open as well and I could just get a slight glimpse of the decor and expensive furniture inside. 

I wondered what it must be like to live in this expensive neighborhood. I would drive downtown in about 5 minutes to get to my job and then drive back very easily and open my garage door with a push of a button. The life here seems undisturbed yet within minutes is the center of the world (politics!). 

I think walking around a neighborhood by yourself and observing every single detail is a must for everyone. Too bad our world is full of speeding up and rushing around. We never take the time to stop and view the world around us.

Men are great, too

So after a long rant about women, I’d like to add that I think men are great creatures too. God made them for a reason after all. 

I especially love my man! YAY

Man I feel like a woman

So during High School Sister’s Night, we talked about what it means to be a Godly woman and how our lives can truly reflect what we are made to do. I have been pondering this for a little while and my verse of the year (or semester I suppose) kind of reflects this: 

“For You created my inmost being. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” -Psalm 139: 13-14

So with each one of us women being uniquely made for a specific reason, I often wonder about my tendencies and my personality and see how they are God-made and how I can use them for His glory. It’s quite an encouraging and uplifting thought to know that my emotions and my passions are made for a reason and I’m not just some crazy girl with crazy ambitions. 

For example, I’m one of those people who cries during cheesy movies and books and is carried away by romance stories, all in all, I’m an emotional sap, which could be a good or a bad thing. But in light of that I feel like my emotions can be used to care for people and to stand up for what I believe is right. Sometimes I get frustrated by certain things and I wonder why it frustrates me so, even if it’s a little thing. But then I realize that God also cares about the small things and is eager to show me that they DO matter to Him, because if we are surrendering our all, even the little things we do matter as well. Also, I have a passion for many things, and I think God is still mesmerizing me in the ways that He can impact the world through me, it’s a gut feeling I must say. But also I must learn that I can’t be doing everything all the time and patience is key to many things. Haha, it’s like growing plants which I suck at because I just don’t know how to keep plants alive. 

I’m so glad God made me in this way. Yes, my idealism may be annoying to some people or even as if they think I’m living in my own dream world. But I enjoy my life so much better when I look at how perfect a situation could be and always looking on the bright side of things. So I know the world is not ideal, but what’s so wrong about it if my expectations are set high? I hate realizing that I’m falling into the flow of things and then not expecting the best out of everyone else and myself. Life is meant to be lived out to the fullest (at least I think so), and each thing should be done for His glory. But when my passions run away with me, I get overly ambitious, forget to ask God for His blessings and then start to get overwhelmed. I hope I’ve learned from those times and that I can have a steady ambition instead of a wild one. 

I’m really glad God made me into a woman. And I do agree with the submission part mentioned in the Bible. Perhaps I was not overly feminist to begin with but it seems to me that that picture fits me just fine. After all, if the man is leading, then he gets all the responsibility (which means if he leads wrong, then God is going to reprimand him, haha!). Don’t get me wrong, I really like responsibility and taking charge of things. But I’d gladly give it up for someone who can handle it themselves and tell me what to do. Perhaps I will add my 2 cents here and there when I seem to see flaws in the plan. 

Over the past year, I’ve really begun seeing the beauty and intrigue of being a woman, and fitting into the family, society and God’s big picture. The beauty of a woman in serving, giving, talking, breathing, being and living is quite a challenge to me. Perhaps in the worldly sense, it’s easy to figure out how to be beautiful. And I guess when I was a nonbeliever, I was striving full force toward it. But now that I believe that God had a plan for me to be a Godly woman, then examining and studying what He wants is another challenge in it of itself. 

For one thing, I know that women are supposed to display the beauty of God inward and out. Inwardly in the sense that I feel like women are not afraid, can sacrifice anything and display a gentleness that no man ever can. But in this sense, gentle-ness does not mean quiet and softspoken (which is not bad either), but in the sense that everything a woman does is out of the gentleness of her heart. Perhaps nurturing is a good way to put it as well. How much more gentle can a woman be when she is playing with her child? Or comforting her man when he is down? The helper role makes a lot of sense in this way. If the world doesn’t have the gentle touch of a woman, it would be quite a sad place. 

Women are also sacrificial and courageous in their own way. This doesn’t have to mean giving up their lives for their families and friends or being brave and going off to war, in the manly sense we always have an idea of what those two things mean. Sacrifice in a woman’s eyes at least in every day life can mean giving up herself and her time and her resources to help someone else in need. This is especially beautiful when one woman helps out another, because there is a mutual understanding and a silent peace that can often be exhibited. When I think of a courageous woman, I think of one who can stand by her family or friends through anything. I don’t really think men can ever really understand what kind of strength a woman can exhibit internally through all things. But only God can, because He made us. 

So I hope that throughout my life, I can refine the qualities of what makes a woman a woman in God’s eyes. To be gentle and pure in heart, to be sacrificial and strong inside and to exhibit a beauty from the inside out towards the people who God cares about. 

Ok, I am finished with my rant about women. YAY FOR WOMEN!!!

A Battle to be Won

I can’t help but think that I have failed you in some way shape or form. Even though you say it’s not that big of a deal and you say it makes you feel conflicted or that it doesn’t even mean that much. But to think that even something as small as an atom could make you feel uncomfortable or bothered at all seems gargantuan enough to me. I feel like a failure when something I do can even bother you just a little bit. Perhaps it’s selfish of me to think that I could make you happy at all, or even half so. It seems all my efforts have been fruitless and I haven’t been doing a good job of really keeping my guard up and knowing when is the right and the wrong of the situation. It’s not as simple as black and white, you always say. But when it comes to your happiness, then I would try my utmost best to give it my best shot. And I must say that it pains me to know that perhaps I’m not trying my best. Perhaps I’m not even giving it a second thought even though I know some of the things I’ve been doing is careless and thought-empty. That’s why I can say that I can always improve and always try harder because love is a choice. A choice for me to do one thing and not the other and a sacrifice that is easy to make when it comes to making just one person happier. Love is sacrifice as Jesus taught us, should I not do the same? Perhaps I’m an idiot for thinking that I can make everything perfect or that I would see no bumps along the road. For what perhaps has been such bigger bumps before in our past can smooth out so quickly by the grace of God. And yet again, the smaller ones now are nothing in comparison. But it feels that I’m fighting for something bigger than ourselves. I just know it, I can feel it in my gut. I can feel that everything I’m fighting for is a battle to be won. Whether it lets me have the end reward or not. All I can say is that I would like to die knowing that I gave it my best shot. To love you with all of what I have and nothing else, because it’s what you deserve. For after all, isn’t it me that is the lucky one? You know in the end for argument’s sake that I didn’t really deserve to have you, even if we could argue about it forever. If one day, God-willing, I could stand before you and know that you are the one, then I can be sure that, no, the battle is not over, but at least we will be fighting together for an even bigger cause. Where the world is crumbling around us and nothing seems to be working anymore, but by the small victory we have accomplished, perhaps the world can see that love does win out in the end. 

Melodramatic…I know…