I’m about 4 days away from my 1 year wedding anniversary. And I must say, I’ve encountered one question from everyone at some point within the past year: How’s married life? In short, it’s great. In depth/details/every day things, I can probably write a book about it, only because I love to write. But maybe for the sake of being concise and saying more than 1 word about it, here’s some things I discovered about married life in the first year:
1. The statement “You’ll find out about all his annoying habits once you start living with him!” is somewhat of a myth. I would say I’m not completely taken aback by my husband’s annoying living habits. Maybe this is one reason why people try to shack up before marriage because they want to get “used” to all their dirty habits before they get married, but on the contrary, I might’ve discovered maybe a thing or two about him, but nothing that really annoyed me and nothing that surprised me beyond belief. I think if you know the person you’re getting married to very well (let’s say 4 years of dating?), there’s nothing that really surprises you about them anymore, only because you know them so well.
2. The transition from dating to marriage was very smooth for us. I do believe some people have a hard time with life transitions: going to high school, going to college, getting a first job, getting married…the list goes on. However, maybe it’s just because we are very laid back and flexible people, but I found the transition to be very smooth for us (Maybe ET has a thing or two to say about this). Maybe sometimes I mention this and people look at me like I’m crazy. How can you NOT experience some kind of turbulent drama when you get married? Of course, this is not to say, obviously we had some things to adjust to: sleeping patterns, nightly routines, but even something like sharing chores was not a big deal for us. Maybe it might be something that happens down the road, but currently, there seems to be no begrudging attitude about who gets to do chores and when and what. Think it has to do with the general attitude of honor your partner above yourself. The tendency/temptation of seeking your own way, especially in a marriage, is very high. And this is not to say that being married makes it easier. But there is a lot of grace and blessings for those who go by that statement.
3. Queen size beds are just way too small. At least, if you married to someone who likes to roll around like mad at night, which is my husband. This is by far one of the biggest “issues” we ever had when we first got married. Sharing the bed was such a big deal, and no matter how much I tried to stick to my corner, some how my husband would end up sprawled on the floor with the comforter in the morning. Surprisingly, this was resolved by us getting 2 comforters. But it was still something I never thought would be an issue, only because we were both used to sleeping on twin beds, so naturally a queen seemed to be big enough for us both. But apparently, a king size is two twin beds put together. 
4. Having one partner who knows how to cook comes in handy. I must say my lack of cooking skills is extremely complemented by my husband’s expertise cooking skills. And yes, there were many “amusing” cooking adventures we’ve had together, mostly me. But man, I can’t imagine if there were 2 of us who couldn’t cook at all. That would be an absolute disaster relying on frozen meals and eating out more often than not. Or maybe it’s not an entire disaster, but I really praise God for a husband who can just tell me whether the chicken is fully cooked or if I have the heat on too high for the stove. I’m learning a lot, and think have become a better cook because of him.
5. Romance doesn’t have to die after “I do.” It just takes a different form. Maybe it’s a nice relaxing massage after a hard day’s work, maybe it’s volunteering to do some extra chores while the other person can relax. While I was very happy and used to doing “extravagant” things for each other come Valentine’s Day or birthdays, I’m actually a lot happier now trying to stick to some financial goals (being romantic is costly!) and doing more simple things for each other. I title this: “romance in the simple things.” It could be as simple as “I appreciate you.” Because once you start living together, you forget to say the small, meaningful statements because you assume the other person “just knows.” Maybe you can call it “old married people romance,” but I consider a nice cuddling session in the morning rare and very romantic, and free! (rare because we are usually rushing out the door trying to get ready for work/church/praise practice)
6. Making time for each other goes a long way. It’s easy, even when you live together, to not have time for one another because you are so busy doing other things. Suddenly, you only have maybe 1 or 2 nights “free” while trying to juggle hosting Bible studies, serving on Fridays, having people over for dinner, and other random weekend shenanigans. Usually, the week looks like this: 2 nights we have people over, Wednesdays are Bible study nights, Fridays are a mad rush to get to Beall for FNL/AWANA. Then weekends? Forget it, they are completely booked with praise practices, hanging out, grocery shopping, laundry, church, meetings, and then suddenly the weekend has spit you out and you’re back at Monday again. And then we look at each other and wonder where the weeks are going. It’s after this we decided to have one night set apart to do absolutely nothing and sometimes full weeks because we are just madly rushing from place to place. These are dubbed “chill days” or “chill weeks.” I think we’ve found more of a balance, but some weeks are still busier than others.
7. Traveling tends to cost a lot of money. In fact, life in general tends to cost a lot of money. After some budgeting mishaps and trials and errors, we’ve discovered that our dreams to travel the world together has a price tag. In fact, everything has a price tag: medical costs, eating out with friends, and household decor! One thing I wish I could’ve done a lot more of ever since I started working is to save more. Once you start adding up the costs of a wedding, honeymoon and then new living costs (utilities, furniture, house decorating, etc.), it all starts to be somewhat of a headache. That’s why ET is in charge of finances. And then, one of the biggest lessons I learned is how to save money. It only happened after we got a joint account, now everything I buy, ET sees. And I still stand by our decision to have a joint account only because I believe once two become one, everything should become one and nothing should be hidden anymore. But man, now I had to watch everything I was buying: all the small things. A new shirt here, a meal out there, a smoothie, it all started to add up. And I finally knew my prolific habit of spending on little things was making a dent in our plan of saving money. And ET also spent most of our first year of marriage selling all his toys on Ebay (mind you, I didn’t MAKE him sell any of it, he decided that on his own). Only because now his light sabers and paintball gear are unimportant and saving more money is now more useful. And plus, where exactly are we going to place his Transformer toys in our modern 1 bedroom apartment? Nowhere.
8. Having a joint calendar helps. Google works very well for us. Sometimes, we forget to communicate with each other about who’s coming over when and when we are having designated “girl” nights or “guy” nights. Communication is key! This is another thing we pretty much have down from our dating relationship, so of course, in marriage, it’s best to have a good working communications relationship where you feel comfortable telling your partner anything and everything that annoys you (even small things) so that it doesn’t blow up in their face later. And it’s always good to have “separate” nights as well, where you get to hang out with the girls/guys only because you can’t be with your spouse 24/7 and some time with your own gender helps. And I’ve noticed that time apart (free time) always makes the heart grow fonder (Yes, I do revel in the moment where he says to me: “Baby, I’ve missed you” even if we only had 1 night apart! Call me a sappy romantic, because that’s what I am!).
